@ddrwg: All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream.

@DeffinitionMC: She called me ugly I called her an ambulance

@VictorscarletJ: Twitter birth control: airfare

@stuckinaportal: [mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it

@Ghetto_Trophy: I will punch you in the face. OK not really - but I will roll my eyes at you, hard.