@ElleOhHell: 911? I'm a man trapped in a woman's body!
"That's not exactly an emergency."
Oh. Huh. Ok.
*Tries door in Statue of Liberty again*
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.
@E_lok44: I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying.
@Mr_Kapowski: *runs into dental hygienist in store*
Me: How are you?
Her: *starts to respond but I shove my fingers in her mouth*
Me: Not so easy huh
@ojedge: [on a plane]
Stewardess: "Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"
Me: "Sure, can I have two?"
*puts one in each ear*
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