@AlisonAgosti: Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli.
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@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.
@SteussieErica: Husband who is bathing dogs in the bathtub asked if I wanted to join them & I wish I could say this is the weirdest offer I've had all day
@TheMichaelRock: *wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a..