@AlisonAgosti: Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli.
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@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account
@jeannerbeaner: Pronounce it "Valentimes Day" so Cupid will know to shoot you right in your stupid face.
@HatfieldAnne: Whom the gods would destroy, they first give the WORST leg cramp and you can’t even get up fast because the cat is on you.