@AlisonAgosti: Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli.
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@pmclellan: To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
@jonnysun: how to talk to a woman wearing headphones: 1. be the artist she has currently chosen to listen to through her headphones
@Try2StopME: *washing car* Neighbor: "You washing your car?" Me: "No. I'm watering it to see if it grows into a bus."
@BakwasRadio: Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.