@fro_vo: *caveman discovers weed*
*caveman invents fire*
*stone age begins*
@Ideal_Victoria: Don't just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!!
~ me, pleading with my hair
@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home.
As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
@respected_loner: whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i'll hack into their security cameras real fast
[types "job openings" into google]
@PhuckinCody: [first date]
me: what's ur favorite word?
her: probably "ethereal," it means-
me: mine is "shuttlecock."
@BoogTweets: Me: pew pew...pew pew pew
Guy at next urinal: Please stop