@markleggett: Celebrities are so rich because they save money every time they attend a movie premiere for free.
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@OakHill_: I learned a few things in Twitter Jail last night. 1. My wife's name 2. How to make a shank from a phone charger 3. I need Twitter
@pixelatedboat: Is there something I can hang around my neck to show that I'm a big fan of crucifixions?
@BrandonEsWolf: The flight attendant keeps saying "Please stop asking for peanuts. Busses don't have flight attendants."