@markleggett: Celebrities are so rich because they save money every time they attend a movie premiere for free.
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@causticbob: I was 14, my dad caught me drinking. 'Dad, that's the first time' 'That's a lie, no one ever gets caught the first time.' So I robbed a bank
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there...
@turdfailure: They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it.