@9GAG: Cell phones ruined the fun of pushing a fully clothed person into a pool.
@WendyLiebman: I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.
@Manda_like_wine: Rose petals? Next time scatter something I can eat.
@Audenary: *notices ham sandwich while searching inside myself*
'wait, if that's here'
*son opens lunchbox to find debilitating existential malaise*
@DanOverHere: People who write hai and bai, wai?
@dyldonot: "any questions for Mr. deGrasse Tyson?"
[I knock over an old woman while sprinting to the mic]
HOW DOES AIR CONDITIONING WORK IN SPACE?