@9GAG: Cell phones ruined the fun of pushing a fully clothed person into a pool.
@chi73girl: My cat thinks any questions I ask him are rhetorical.
@DeffinitionMC: She called me ugly
I called her an ambulance
@graceful_asfuck: *interrupts eulogy*
SOMEONE SAID THAT ALMOST WORD FOR WORD AT THE LAST FUNERAL
@yaseen_moi: Hey, I lost my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
@NicestHippo: [god to lions]
You will be the symbol of power and prestige
[sees the crickets]
Ew. Uh...you guys just yell real loud when a comedian bombs