@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.
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@sassy__cat6: My 10yo said when they're mean to people they miss recess. A lot of you need to miss recess.
@Manda_like_wine: Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you're reacting.
@MatCro: [office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!