@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.
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@laabruzzi: *bumpes into my ex on the street *dials a number Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!
@TheToddWilliams: [waking from 10 yr coma] Where am I? "Don't worry. You're home in America" But…I'm Swedish! "World Emperor Trump will explain everything"
@Shock_Monster: HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T "RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!" Me: Duh. That's why I was late.
@IvoryGazelle: do singers know a song will be big beforehand? like that snow white hi-ho song, no way those lil' dudes knew, they were just mining and shit