@dave_cactus: [Charlie Brown running up and just booting Hey Arnold in the head]
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@AntF3ltz: When I go to Starbucks, I tell them my name is Marco. When my drink is ready and they call my name, I just keep saying Polo.
@philco816: Man Maroon 5 just keeps the hits coming . Wife: The radio isn't on. Those are two alley cats in heat. Me: I don't wanna know, know, know.
@underchilde: I’m just going to keep telling people they’re pretty until someone offers to pay for my laser eye surgery.
@thegreatnanak: Cat: my owner is asleep. What if he is dead? Cat 911: just walk on his face and find out.