@JennyJohnsonHi5: Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school.
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@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips
@beefman138: Wife : The neighbours are banging on our front door again. Me : Why can't they do it in a bed, like normal people?
@MolotovJohnny: Why does it jump from 2% milk all the way to whole milk? Maybe I just want 47% milk...