@JennyJohnsonHi5: Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school.
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@BuckyIsotope: If Sesame Street really cared about children they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm taking the soul train to Funky Town with my boogie shoes on, and the dish ran away with the goddamn spoon. This is really good weed.
@batkaren: ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested.