@TheDiLLon1: Cheap 1st Date Ideas: Get some matching Red Polo shirts & hang out in a Target. Give terrible info to inquisitive costumers.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [teen me w/GF in my dad's car] Me: You wanna do it? Her: *giggling* Yes Me: *hears voice whisper no glove, no love* GET OUT OF THE CAR MOM
@HonestToddler: They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.
@MatCro: [bar] CUSTOMER: Barman BARMAN: Sir? C: This beer tastes like piss [further down the bar] BEAR GRYLLS: I'll have what he's having