@2tonbug: "Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
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@jwoodham: As a white man, it's hard to deal with the fact that I have a far greater chance of becoming a serial killer than I do of becoming a rapper.
@ShesAllNat: What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
@TheMichaelRock: HR: welcome to sexual harassment training. Me *raises hand* I'm gonna leave. HR: it's mandatory. Me: There's nobody here I would harass.
@djdarrellripley: After we got the divorce she let me have everything. Except the jewelry, and of course something to keep it in. I call it "the house"..