@Schmoodles: Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer.
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@HatfieldAnne: Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
@stephenjmolloy: *6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: "I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."
@Jake_Vig: The correct amount of coffee is the amount where, if you perished, your heart would continue to beat for a good 2-3 days.
@TheMichaelRock: The best part about being a grown-up is not having to answer to ANYONE! (What's that, honey? Be right there.)