@Schmoodles: Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jenniferfralic: Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today
@causticbob: On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004. Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.
@TravLeBlanc: Women aren't that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
@TheWeirdWorld: Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.