@Chumpstring: Children look up to me. They say “Hey mister why are ya sleepin in that tree?”
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@hrtbps: Interviewer: So when did you decide you wanted to be a sumo wrestler? Me: When someone tried to get me onto the dancefloor at a wedding.
@KamanCider: Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you because drugs are expensive.
@briangaar: Son your teacher called, she said you wrote "AQUAMAN RULZ" all over your math test. [sigh] First of all, Aquaman doesnt have any good powers
@TheTobbie: CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime...