@donni: Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
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@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@ANNIEwayyyy: Sorry I thought your older sister was your daughter and then made everyone else at the restaurant guess your age.
@wickedimproper: Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night: Sup, girl?
@Storminika: You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'