@SardonicTart: Christian Bale has done ok for himself considering he's named after a religious bundle of hay.
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@GrantTanaka: at my funeral, I need one of you to stand up and ask if you can have your toaster back
@GrantTanaka: *races to airport *hurdles though security *sees her at boarding gate *shouts her name *romantic music swells I RAN OVER YOUR CAT
@Eagle_Vision: When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.
@TheTweetOfGod: When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they've been lying.