@MarcusOreally: Christian Singles sounds like a Kraft product.
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@ArfMeasures: Me: And I was just trapped in my bed, crying for hours Cop: I'm not surprised with a murderer in your house Me: There was a murderer in my house?
@thedailymarker: My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share.
@paperphotoyo: My neighbor can't understand why he just found human shit on his front porch. I can't understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am.