@kellysdf: Christmas cards are how old people say, "Hey, you thought I was dead, but I'm not!"
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@daemonic3: THERAPIST: My suggestion for you: Therapy dog ME: Ok [next week] THERAPIST: Well? ME: They told me I don't qualify to be a therapy dog
@DaddyJew: *6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.
@chuuew: I tell people "I'm here to raise awareness" because I successfully spliced a werewolf and the lochness monster.