@kellysdf: Christmas cards are how old people say, "Hey, you thought I was dead, but I'm not!"
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@TheDairylandDon: Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental.
@QwertyJones3: MY DAD: Foreigners in this country need to learn English. ALSO MY DAD: I heard you got a new hi-bird car.
@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"