@kellysdf: Christmas cards are how old people say, "Hey, you thought I was dead, but I'm not!"
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@RobElliottComic: I don't mean to sound like a tough guy but I've been in New York City for almost two hours and I've only cried like 31 times...
@outsidemagazine: Yellowstone visitor upset bears didn’t show (Would like park service to train them):
@DzNutz83: Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.