@Usetobeabastard: Christmas is over, all of the guests have gone home. NO PANTS.
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@lazerdoov: 1. Take pictures of every cat in your neighborhood 2. Make missing cat posters with the pictures 3. Get all the cats
@TheMichaelRock: Mom: You should come camping with us! It's only $100! Me: You want me to pay $100 to sleep outside? Mom: Yeah. Me: I'm getting a new Mom.
@FatherWithTwins: You know what this new carpet needs? For me to open a tube of blue toothpaste, and jump up and down on it. - My 4yo. Apparently.