@markleggett: Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with “America” written on it.
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@Parentpains: Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
@Playing_Dad: [On a date] *Don't let her know you're a dog* Girl: Do you want to...maybe go for a walk after this? *starts running in circles going crazy*
@Contwixt: Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.
@LaziestCanine: "911 what's your emergency" IM DYING "what happened" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES "lol pics or didn't happen"