@curlycomedy: Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.
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@Anon_o_Mom: My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room.
@VerifiedDrunk: 2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets
@BuckyIsotope: Sir, the children at the petting zoo are unhappy. They think our animals are lame *stares off into distance* We're gonna need a bigger goat
@TheMichaelRock: If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?