@curlycomedy: Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.
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@GrantTanaka: Wife's been away since thursday, we ran out of spaghetti-o's on friday, ate the dog yesterday, burned photo albums for heat today, pls help
@GoldenSpirals: Why are there commentators for televised sports? We can figure out what's going on live, but can't while watching it on tv?
@weenbeans: I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.
@ABurgerADay: [tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend.