@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.
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@NoFlipFlops: Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled.
@joshgondelman: Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@jonnysun: TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying