@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
@foodandwhining: People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
@goodballs: [sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] "Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."