@brandonleecool: Coca-cola should make a Coca-cola flavored candy cane and call it a Coke Cane.
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@ClichedOut: ME: can I buy u a drink HER: I'll take a rain check ME: mmm that sounds good [to bartender] 2 rain checks, please
@unravelingfire: Researcher: By 2030, life expectancy is predicted to increase globally by 6 years. Southerner: [pouring mac and cheese into deep fryer] No.
@david8hughes: [cat shelter] Me: so u don't test for it but u say none of them have it? Owner: we've never come across a cat with martial arts training, no
@envydatropic: It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast