@brandonleecool: Coca-cola should make a Coca-cola flavored candy cane and call it a Coke Cane.
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@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
@gogglepossum: Date: wow you are dressed to kill tonight! [Me in full medieval armour] a knight never takes a life unless he has to Janice
@realHamOnWry: I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again.
@vikkaroni: My nose won't stop running. But, to be fair, it's the only part of my body that's still in shape.