@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.
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@Piecezilla: The weatherman said it's nice outside. I guess they don't let him watch the rest of the news.
@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he speaks in typos ME: EVERYTHING IS JUST FIND BRENDA! THERAPIST: ok maybe we should take 5 ME: food idea
@Jill_Doe_: There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon.
@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.