@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.
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@MartaEffing: *hears suspicious noise in backyard, is too lazy to get up & investigate* *smells cookies baking at neighbors house, immediately goes over*
@Geaux2Girl: Your stick-figure family of 6 really isn't necessary. No one sees your minivan and mistakes you for wild and single.
@Abusitron: *runs in out of breath* Friend: what's going on? Me: [heavy breathing] bear with me Friend: Ok *waits* *bear runs in, also out of breath*