@goldengateblond: College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.
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@GrumpyBahr: Dr: I need a urine and stool sample. Me: *hands him my underwear* Dr:...... Me: Its all there.
@TitansHomer: I used to get bullied online. Until one day I walked up to the biggest computer in Best Buy and beat the shit out of it.
@msmegmensa: If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'