@goldengateblond: College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.
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@PetrickSara: I bought jalapeño chips so I wouldn't have to share with my kids. It's not working. My daughter is just eating through the pain. She's mine
@juliussharpe: You know it's not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you've ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.
@AnkCoupleTO: [on the phone] Me: I can't make it in today Boss: That's the 3rd time this week M: *neck deep in Kit Kat wrappers* I have a problem