@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.

@TheCatWhisprer: Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.

@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.

@weinerdog4life: Shoutout to my upstairs neighbors who wrestled a large moose last night

@DrinkingatWork: My head feels like something Picasso would have drawn.