"I'm tired of fruits that taste good."
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY
TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!!
*hands phone to T-Rex
T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.
@Reverend_Scott: *T-Rex stubs his toe*
OUCH I'M SO MAD. JUST... MAD. I'M...
"Angry? Agitated? Irritated? Anno-"
SHUT UP THESAURUS NO ONE ASKED YOU.
@TaylorVirtue: I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days.
@LetMeStart: Reasons to bake a cake after the kids go to bed:
1. To surprise them with it.
2. So they never know you ate an entire cake without sharing.
@jakob_huber: "What's your greatest strength?"
[interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"