@TrueQuixote: Computer backup systems are expensive so I include "Death To America" in my email signature & the NSA backs up everything I've ever written.
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@SaddleLawman: Blood's thicker than water, so remember to pull back on the flour a bit when you substitute it into your baking.
@_NTFG_: When your mate says his name is Stephen with a 'ph' to the cashier and he gets his Starbucks cup back reading 'PHEVEN'. That.
@BrickCh4News: "A black man follows me when it's sunny outside. When it's cloudy, he goes home." "Brick, that's your shadow."
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If these walls could talk I bet it would be gibberish cause these walls are plastered.