@TrueQuixote: Computer backup systems are expensive so I include "Death To America" in my email signature & the NSA backs up everything I've ever written.
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@Tmoney68: If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
@roadsidephil: Saw a "Toby Keith's I Love This Bar" that went out of business. Apparently he was the only one.
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"
@cameronrbrown: Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird.