@TrueQuixote: Computer backup systems are expensive so I include "Death To America" in my email signature & the NSA backs up everything I've ever written.
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@bridger_w: If someone acts shocked that you haven't read a certain book, the best response you can give them is, "Yeah, I heard it sucks"
@natechartier1: *creating garbage cans* God: "That's where trash goes" *creating my twitter* God: "That's where trash comes from"
@CVTBaby: Me: *mouths I love you* Him: M: *blows kiss* H: M: *adjusts my pajama top* H: *empties the can & hops onto the side of the garbage truck*
@jeepwave7: It's not a coincidence that we use the term "committed" to refer to both relationships and a stay at a mental institution