@JuiceTooWavie: Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.
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@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: [first date] DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths ME: *slowly pushes date's coffee off table*
@Mr_Kapowski: The best part of Pitbull is he yells out "MR WORLDWIDE!," at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station
@ClichedOut: Me: Can I start digging? Society: No wtf that's grave robbing. [waits an hour] Me: How about now? Society: Ok, now it's archaeology.
@ghostkrogh: every time i think i've met the perfect girl it's three raccoons in a trench coat who rob me again