@JuiceTooWavie: Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.
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@newportdaddy: Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.
@Fred_Delicious: [at KFC] "One bargain bucket please" "ok sir, and would you like any sides?" "Yes please, otherwise the chicken will fall out"