@dankmtl: Confession: I'm a fake gamer guy. This gut? Prosthetic. These shorts? Armani. Even this bag of cheetos is filled with healthy baby carrots!
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@MelKassel: *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@TheAlexNevil: It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.
@SortaBad: Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?