@GoldenSpirals: Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over.
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@mrbuster60: "My uncle is a dead person guy". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician
@NintenDom: Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song has a part where it sounds like they're trying to guess words for a crossword puzzle.
@QwertyJones3: Giving people the finger while driving just isn't effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."