@viadear: Confusing the word, "jacuzzi" with, "yakuza" has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once.
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@Phook75: "You'll be visited by 3 ghosts." "Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?" "No, they'll try to eat you." Pac-Man Christmas Carol
@Eightinchgoat: Just convinced the teen up the street that he needs to change the winter air out of his tires and put in summer air. Don't do dope, kids.
@ArfMeasures: ROOMMATE: While I'm away, can you get some mice to feed my pet snake? ME: Sure [later] ME [to mice] Come on fellas, pls just cook something
@T_Bonezzz_: Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy HP: ..