@iGreenMonk: Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
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@hazelmotes1: Kids, you'll never know the pain of digging the innards of a loved cassette out of a cheap stereo and crying as you wind it up with a pencil
@Home_Halfway: FRIEND: Don is flying in tomorrow ME: My cousin Don or Amazing Hearing Don? [I get a text] Amazing Hearing Don
@Brianhopecomedy: My 2 year old woke up. 5 minutes of "Mommy!" 5 minutes of "Mommy?" Said "Daddy?" one time & my wife said, "You should go check on her".
@Reverend_Scott: [party] What exactly does BYOB mean? "Bring your own beer" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat