@Midgetspar: Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators.
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@Reverend_Scott: [hospital] "Did my dad make it, doctor?" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] "HE'S DEAD?" Haha no, he went to Disney World.
@RoosterMustache: ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean
@sucittaM: If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.