@Goofpoops: Cop cars aren't very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I'll stop in a heartbeat
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [girlfriend texting me] so what are you gonna do to me tonight ;) [remembers how she likes it rough] shoot you out of a cannon
@Shock_Monster: So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I'm a douche.nnBatman does it & it's a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard.
@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@DamienFahey: I wouldn't wish death on an enemy but I would wish being accidentally hit in the back of the ankle with a grocery cart.