@illuminatedwndr: cop pulls me over 2nite. comes 2 my window n asks, Cop: "do you know y i pulled u over?" Me: "because Batman is catching all the criminals"
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@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@AmarndaBvnes: don’t be offended if someone doesn’t reply to your text. their phone is prob “just on silent” or “right in front of their lying face”