@illuminatedwndr: cop pulls me over 2nite. comes 2 my window n asks, Cop: "do you know y i pulled u over?" Me: "because Batman is catching all the criminals"
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@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
@InternetHippo: [inventing dialup internet] What should it sound like when it's connecting? [guy in the back stands up confidently] Pterodactyls