@sad_jake: Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you.nMe: TEDDYBEARSnCop: Aww.
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@rockymomax: ME: (before I bought a fanny pack) I wish I had something to carry this baby ME: (after I bought a fanny pack) the baby doesn't fit in here
@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
@BuckyIsotope: Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking "are you gonna eat that?" during the procedures.
@JasonLastname: LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life.