@dubstep4dads: *licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as i suspected. wind.

@TurboJellyBean: I know Pluto isn't a planet you moron. Pluto's a dog.

@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."

@TheNardvark: Life is like a box of chocolates. People repeating the same movie quotes over and over until words have no meaning peanut tambourine ocelot

@jonnysun: ME: genie, i wish i was dead GENIE: [makes me dead then brings me back to life] ok u have two wishes left ME: i dont think u understood