@WouldbeAllen: Count Dooku has always been puzzled by his wife, Sue.
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@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]
@moose_chocolate: My daughter asked me what it was like when I was a kid, so I took away all her electronics and made her play with a Rubik's cube.
@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Drink to remember. Drink to forget. Tweet while drinking, Wake up with regret.