@ScottLinnen: Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn't break.
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@AnOrangeSNES: I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft.
@somecleverthing: Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun