@MattOswaltVA: couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom
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@CanadianCyn: If I went back in time I'd tell myself... "Don't wait until 29 to become a stripper. You get to be naked, drunk and get paid for it!"
@rz0ndy: My daughter did a cart wheel and slammed her head right into the coffee table. That's all the DNA test I need.