@stuzario: Court her the old fashioned way by doing late night burnouts in front of her house
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@flashember: [Excavation for dino bones] DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG! DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I'll finish up
@Brentweets: "Fluffy died today" "Oh my god I'm so sorry, was he a cat or dog? "He was a boa constrictor" "Well that made me feel better"
@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.