@WheelTod: [In Club] *slides up to girl on dance floor "This is my jam" *hands her a jar "I wrote my number on the label. Text me if you want more..."

@bkdcasey: I told an ex of mine that i wished she was more punctual. So, from then on, she added !!!!!!! to every text. I have picked some winners.

@Subtle_Red: You never know how strong you are until you have to move your furniture all alone.

@MarfSalvador: Wife: Will he still able to play the accordion? Doc: Ma'am, your husband has no brain function whatsoever Wife: So yes then

@Be___Dope: Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!