@cbdoubleu: *covers himself in Nutella to hide his body heat from the Predator*
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@Vodkantots: Did you know that you can get kicked out of a gym for using a laser to point out areas people should work on? Well, you can.
@rachelaxler: he literally just said, "everyone's saying i won the debate." is it possible...hear me out...trump has an imaginary friend named Everyone?
@mortimermaiden: The soft snowflakes swirling in the night sky remind me of the time mom had too much gin and threw a roast duck at dad for taking her youth.
@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.