@turtledumplin: Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he's going to the clinic for a 'work related' injury.
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@VN_Ruben: apparently, Twilight is "so popular" because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah, I remember that time when I was a vampire.
@alexlumaga: Meteorologist has to be the easiest job in the world. Just keep predicting no meteors will hit us and the first time you’re wrong everyone’s dead anyway
@tsm560: [in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ...