@turtledumplin: Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he's going to the clinic for a 'work related' injury.
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@Try2StopME: Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes.
@kcmoore51: I love getting kisses from my dogs but, I'm starting to worry about the one who keeps trying to give me the slow tongue.
@Merman_Melville: (Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.