@AristotlesNZ: Coworker just asked me if I'm "working hard or hardly working" & now I'm standing over him asking if he's "bleeding bad or badly bleeding?"
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@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.
@RobDenBleyker: This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
@krustythe_klown: Whenever I miss my ex I think about the things I didnt like about him... Like his hairy behind and his wife.