@CM2BTTHD: CPR refresher class. We're told, "If they're not breathing, there's no way you can make it worse." Woman then trips; kicks dummy's head off.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly...do you want me to close the door? Me: Do you wanna watch? Nurse: *closes door*
@justabloodygame: No one sleeps with Gandalf because it takes him until first light on the fifth day to come.
@daemonic3: Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming "But dad we're goldfish" Oh yeah, I forgot "Forgot what?"