@CM2BTTHD: CPR refresher class. We're told, "If they're not breathing, there's no way you can make it worse." Woman then trips; kicks dummy's head off.
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@joe_binkley: Me: This is a picture of my aunt Marge... Rest in peace. Friend: I'm so sorry for your loss. Me: Oh, she's not dead, she's just really lazy.
@70Ceeks: son is fuming bc his sister is staying home from school AGAIN. he just opened her door and said "and here's the liar in her natural habitat"
@briangaar: *interrupts parent & child on bus* Actually thats not true, Wolverine has died many times *they get up* Your mother cant shelter you forever