@CM2BTTHD: CPR refresher class. We're told, "If they're not breathing, there's no way you can make it worse." Woman then trips; kicks dummy's head off.
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@stanleybehrman: Thank you Twitter for introducing me to brilliant people , but your suggestions of who is similar to me is making me reassess my life.
@wankcity: "more like president PAJAMA" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*
@_The_Man__: I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell