@boring_as_heck: Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," he said.
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@jonnysun: [escorted out of google hq with armful of snakes at 9:02am on my 1st day] WELL MAYBE U SHOULDA CLARIFIED WAT U MEANT BY "PYTHON PROGRAMMER"
@junejuly12: [road trip] My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don't need seatbelts. [hospital] My dad: Concussion? What concussion?