@boring_as_heck: Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," he said.
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@MEQ_777: Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
@AmishPornStar1: Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, "Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"
@SouthrnPinUpMom: I wonder which woman said..... "yep I'm gonna put it in my mouth and see what happens."