@pixelatedboat: Critics agree that plot considerations did not justify the near-constant nudity in your film "How To Safely Use A Ladder In The Workplace"
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@chuuew: ME: Mint choc chip ice cream, pls. I got my own cone [places it on counter] EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone? ME: You must be new here.
@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"