@krakkenlackin: Critics are raving about Mud. "It's like dirt but wet" says one. "Oh god it's in my eyes" says another
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@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*
@Ygrene: Know why I pulled you over? "No sir" 1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha
@MadamBetteNoire: Teaching your kids to question everything is important. Until you're sitting there banging your head on the table.
@TheRolo: [Gets shot by mugger] Girl walks by: omg are u ok? I'm dying [sees she isn't wearing a ring] I mean I'm fine but not as fine as you, sup?