@crushingbort: *crowd in 1889 screaming because I appeared out of thin air and shot a baby* that was Baby Hitler...everyone calm down that was Baby Hitler
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@sixfootcandy: If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say "This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That's ok
@michaelianblack: Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass.
@STEELERS1972: So I met this hooker who said she'd do anything for ten bucks . Guess who got his yard cut?