@Mr_Kapowski: Curling is basically yelling at your teammates to fix your mistake
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@AllanCresswell: Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep.
@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.
@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog