@Mr_Kapowski: Curling is basically yelling at your teammates to fix your mistake
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@WilliamRodgers: If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
@rockymomax: DRUG DEALER: whatya want? ME: *takes his hand in mine* what do YOU want? DRUG DEALER: *tearing up* no one ever asks me that
@AndyAsAdjective: Never have I been at my parents’ house & needed something & they not have it. Insect bite cream? Got it. Obscure herb for a dinner recipe? Got it. Mixer for a drink I haven’t had in 20 years? Got it. Defibrillator? Got it. Crystal Pepsi? Got it. Wooly mammoth skeleton? Got it.
@TheCatWhisprer: No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.